As Salaam Alaikum,
So I know that I said that I would not be blogging until July 1st, which will be over the Quran, but I have come across something that is too good to not blog about and that is Umar Lee’s series about the feminization of Muslim men. Plans have changed and I have decided to blog about his analysis which I intend to do with every part of the series. Yay!
Just in case you do not know anything about Lee, Lee is a white-American Muslim convert. I discovered Lee through some “bean pie” documentary, where I was totally floored by his “blackness”— lol, his voice, his posture, his clothes all read “black” to me. So I went to his blog and started reading it and so far it is really good. He’s even a friend of mines on facebook, but he never says “hi”sa on my wall so I feel neglected. But that’s all that I know about him so there. Now on topic.
In the first blog of his series, Lee comapares Baltimore men with D.C. men. which he finds the two areas having two different cultures with very little in common. I would say that it isn’t until his fourth paragraph that he begins to talk about the “feminization” of men, which he begins by examining white men.
The following in bold (and anything else in this blog) I only assume he considers feminine: “Males walking around in tight shirts, coochie-cutter jeans, and man-bags chatting away on I-phones in high-pitched voices on their way to overpriced coffee shops and restaurants.” (para 4)
He beleives that this sort of behavior makes it hard to distinguish between the straight man and the gay man, and he also believe that this behavior has infiltrated amoung men from different age groups. These men, according to Lee, admit to not having traditional lifestyles (which I have no reason to doubt).
Now this particularly analysis raises major flags to me. The reason is because Lee goes on to say that these men reject religion, God (atheism), and embrace sexual deviancy which he believes Muslim males in that area are graviating towards.
My question are:
Is he attributing atheism to a feminine attitude? WHAT?!
What does he mean by sexual deviancy? If he means gay male behavior then I will give him that because even I would say that attraction towards a male is a feminine attitude since it is forbidden in Islam to practice your lust with people of the same sex. But if he means promiscuity, then I believe that it is completly wrong for him to attribute promiscious behavior to a feminine behavior. In the Quran these is no sex that is blamed for promiscuity. On top of that both men and women are commanded to lower their gaze. I mean, if women were really the promiscuous then I would only think that it would be women who be commanded to lower their gaze (but I am not God so I don’t know!), as it would be men who could handle their attraction farely well. On a cultural note– I would just like to say that this idea really contradicts the behavior of many Muslim communities. If women are really thought of as being the promiscious ones then I would only say that it would be the men covering up in niqabs and stressing how important it is to only show their beauty to their wives (but i guess a woman could be promiscious with her looks).
Is tight clothing really a feminine thing in Islam? Again there is nothing in the Quran that would suggest that it is (please give me the verse if I am wrong). On a cultural note— again this idea really contradicts the behavior of many Muslim women, since many of them try to wear very loose clothing. Even at female-only parties I don’t think I’ve ever really seen anything outrageously tight on them.
He thinks of man-bags as feminine, but what does he think of thobes (man-dress)? Again this is a cultural standard and not an Islamic one. And I don’t mean to say that we should ignore cultural behavior, but when trying to apply an idea of what “Muslim-Male Masculinity” should be, this should surely be backed up by the Quran and not by people’s idea of how men and women should behave. Don’t get me wrong I can see how he can think of a man-bag as being feminine, but as a Western man I just think that he would be harping more about Muslim [American] boys wearing man-dresses (thobes) first.
In Lee’s fifth paragraph he writes about the “feminization” of black males. He says:
How did the DC black male get this way? I think of his path to feminization as different than the white male. Unlike the white male this male is not a product of an anti-male/boy public education system and more than likely were not the sons of middle-class soccer moms who worshiped at the altar of secular anti-male/boy academia and child psychology. No, this male grew-up without a father, and some of their mothers did the best they could do and taught them how to be the best human they could be. Unfortunately, that human is a woman and they are men, so we have a lot of young black men in DC, gay and straight, who look, act and speak like women. (para 6)
I am not going to lie. I to believe that boys need postive male role models in their life. And if young boys are around women long enough, then yup they are going to possess the ways of a woman, culturally.
But Lee goes on to say that Muslim males can turn to the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad, as he beleives in hadiths. But I don’t think that would solve his issue with males talking in high pitched voices, wearing man-bags, attending overpriced coffee shops and restaurants, and chatting on their I-phones… (i don’t know what, or which, hadiths hadith followers follow… but I mean, wow, if there really are hadiths covering those too).
Lee also says:
We have a lot of black Muslim boys with long braids in the DC area sashaying around the Masjid behaving in this way (para 5)
Aren’t their hadiths that claim the Prophet Muhammad had long hair? google it
Now besides my concerns that he may be contributing promiscuity and lack of religion as feminine, I think that his 7th paragaph raises some big red flags too
Men work hard so they look hard and are toughened for the battles of life and are well-conditioned to be leaders. They spend more time repairing old couches or building them than they do on a shrinks couch
On men should be conditioned to be leaders, I agree. I believe that in Islam we are all suppose to be conditioned to be leaders becaues we are responsible for ownselves and we are not suppose to just blindly follow anyone. We have to think for ourselves. But I don’t think that not being conditioned to be leader is “feminine”. Women are to be leaders too!
::sighs:: Now I don’t really know what to say about Lee and the “shrink couch” comment, but I do believe that, that comment is dangerous because it can lead, and matter of fact is leading, a lot of black [Muslim] men to a thug mentality. Are we really saying that men should not be emotional? Men shouldn’t express their problems and try to heal them? Does this not lead to the abuse of women? Does this not lead to the abuse of children? Does this not lead to families being unhappy?
::sighs::
I think that Lee’s first entry was very interesting but as you can see I have found many issues with it. Again, I can agree with much on a human-cultural aspect of it. But I cannot agree with most of it at all when it comes to Islam because for the most part ideas of feminine and masculine attitudes are not mentioned in the Quran. Much of this perception depends on a person’s culture. Like I said in a comment I left to Lee, I can completly agree with him if this stuff was actually mentioned in the Quran… and I could understand his way of thinking if he brought up hadiths. Unfortunantly Lee has not mentioned any Quran verses to support his ideas of what is leading to the feminization of Muslim men. Neither has he mentioned any hadiths, so I can understand his way of thinking. Thus this really isn’t good enough to be considered a Muslim standard of how Muslim males should and shouldn’t be.
salaam
Reader Rasheeed Moore writes:
But forget about homosexual or the new term metrosexual behaivor back in the day they used to say he seems like he’s got a little sugar in his tank. Now we have coined the term metrosexual. All these behaivors are deviations that have become socially acceptable due to the fact that they are wide spread. But while seemingly innocent the problem of metrosexual and homosexual men cut’s deeper and that is boys no longer have MEN to look up to so they grow up weak.
So readers, what do you think of the comments in bold? How should we view change? Being “metrosexual” basically means a heterosexual man enjoying what is often thought of as feminie interests, such as fashion or even making sure your nails are clean. So how should we as a society approach change when it comes social behaviors changing? Should we condemn them? When is it ok to say “well, I guess that’s now acceptable”? How long do we hold on to our traditions and rules of conduct, when obviously there are new ideas of what should be socially acceptable, particularly amoung the youth? (i want you all to think of this when there is NO evidence from the Quran that would condemn either behavior)
Filed under: The Feminization of Muslim Men | Tagged: feminine, hadith, islam, masculine, Moslem, Moslems, muslim, Muslims, Quran, Umar Lee
I think the problem is less about the Quran and Sunnah and more about a concept in Fiqh known as ‘3urf. Or culturally accepted practices. I think the standard of manhood should be upheld based upon what is customary in that land. For example in Saudi Arabia men hold hands, and other parts of the world men kiss each other and in their cultures it is not looked at socially as a feminine thing. However here in America we all know what’s up if we see men holding hands or kissing. But forget about homosexual or the new term metrosexual behaivor back in the day they used to say he seems like he’s got a little sugar in his tank. Now we have coined the term metrosexual. All these behaivors are deviations that have become socially acceptable due to the fact that they are wide spread. But while seemingly innocent the problem of metrosexual and homosexual men cut’s deeper and that is boys no longer have MEN to look up to so they grow up weak. And a weak man is not only a danger to himself, but a danger to his family, and to society at large.
Just wanted to say I completely agree with your post. One other issue I have with Umar’s post is that it kind of looks like he’s pretty much generalizing and saying “educated = feminine” and “uneducated/bluecollar = manly”
Could I than not also make the generalization that uneducated also = manly, ignorant buffoon?
And my favorite line of all… thobe = man dress LOL That is essentially what it is so I’m not understanding what the big deal is with the “man bag”
ASA
I didn’t read his blog entry and I am ambivalent about his comments. I want to say appalled but I have come to find that these types of attitudes regarding male/female roles are common. We have become (as muslims) so caught up in judging each other by superficial standards of dress and hair that we forget to look deeper. True he does make an attempt from your critique to look at the systemic causes of these behaviors but his observations are based on what he observes. I know a man who carries a man bag and is very masculine. My husband wears a thobe and I dislike it INTENSELY!. I only refer to it as his “dress.” For example I might say, I washed your dress it’s on the bed. But I feel it is a cultural thing. In Syria, where he picked up the habit while studying, it was natural. Here it is a man-dress, all day and night! And wearing braids among many African American men is a statement of masculinity.
But with all of that said, I can say that I do feel that there is a conspiracy culture to get us as Americans to accept the blurring of gender roles and the feminization of men and the masculinization of women. I find this trend disturbing.
I agree with Umar on a lot of what he’s said., but I do belive that boys who were raised by their mothers only can grow up to be manly men. They could looks up to their uncles, grandfather, older cousins and friends.
As for metrosexual men, they need to stop being so superficial. Being obsessive about your looks is a femenine trait becuase women are mostly valued for their beuty in society. Men are not. However, women shouldn’t spend long arduous hours and a lot of cash preening themselves-let alone men. There’s more to life than how you look, or appear to people.